Going to the trouble of wearing cute toe-pinching shoes, walking to a trashy happy hour in a hotel bar and paying ten dollars for a pitifully weak vodka gimlet only to be cropped out of the picture on mediabistro.com. And I'm not even the one with the insane halter tanline!
The fact that as of September 1 I will be doing three people's jobs without so much as a whisper of a pay raise before my six-month evaluation. Apparently I am doing well enough to take on loads of monkey work in addition to my regular, brain-using duties, but not well enough to be paid a wage that will feed both myself and my soon-to-be-acquired cat.
That I am not on the beach right now.
That I will not be on the beach for the rest of the summer.
The District of Columbia, for its psychotic parking registration laws that mean I either pay an additional thousand dollars a year to get DC insurance and plates or give up my precious one vacation day to drive the Focus back to Michigan where it will sit, unloved and undriven, for the remainder of its lonely days. Except, of course, for when my sister comes home on Christmas break from her fancy-schmancy school to drive it into the side of the garage and get in accidents in the parking lot of Starbucks.
Myself, for not having the balls to stand up to my landlord and refuse to pay part of the rent because my oven, garbage disposal and living room light have all been broken since I moved in (to say nothing of the closet shelving that was in pieces in my bathroom).
Also myself for not having bought Raid the last time I was at The Teet. This oversight led to me trapping two enormous, disgusting, extremely buzzy flies in my bathroom last night and subjecting them to a slow, painful death via a spray bottle of Clorox and a rolled-up copy of last month's Elle with Lindsay Lohan on the cover.
Lindsay Lohan, for still being a redhead on the cover of last month's Elle, because if there is one thing that blonde, freakishly-skinny, coked-out Lindsay Lohan is good for, it is being rolled up and used to swat asphyxiated flies. Using red-headed, boobalicious Lindsay just makes me feel bad.
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1 comment:
So bitter, EJ! Are we forgetting your own fancy-shmancy school, or your own car mishaps? You would be remiss... I just promise that I will love her as furiously as possible whenever I get the chance.
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