This is a pretty fun one-- obviously I won't get memed by Internet superstar bloggers, but imitation is indeed the sincerest form of flattery after my new butt-lifting Citizens. Just put your iPod on shuffle and the first 13 songs that come up will provide the answers to the questions below.
1. What do you think of me, iPod?
"Someday" - The Strokes
"And now my fears, they come to me in threes/ So I, sometimes/afraid my friend, you say the strangest things/I find, sometimes/Oh, My ex says i'm lacking in depth/Say I will try my best/You say you wanna stay by my side/Darling your head's not right/I see alone we stand together we fall apart/Yeah I think I'll be alright"
Given all the various pronouns involved in the above lines, it's not always clear who is referring to whom. Is EJ talking to the iPod? Is the iPod assesing EJ? Who's the One True God?
So basically, iPod thinks I'm a navel-gazer who must stand together with others and whose ex may or may not think I'm lacking in depth. Knowing one ex and his penchant for judging people entirely based on the contents of their iPods, the following list should prove him right (by his own warped criteria).
2. Will I have a happy life?
"The Nearness of You" - Norah Jones
Apparently pretty low-key, quiet and full of loooove. Good deal.
3. What do my friends really think of me?
"Lucky" - Bif Naked
Overwrought, intense and dramatic? Goes incredibly well with a glass of Pinot Noir and some intense brooding? Given to declarative statements in moments of high emotion?
Nooo, not me at all...
4. What does my S.O. think of me?
"As Long As You're Mine" - Wicked
Wherever he is, he is gaga, smitten, and totally left a hot blonde chick to be with me. Oh, and he used to be in a early 90s boy band.
5. Do people secretly lust after me?
"Me Against the Music" - Britney Spears feat. Madonna
Yes, but only middle-aged women from Detroit in a pseudo-lesbian manner.
6. How can I make myself happy?
"Love is in the Air" - Soundtrack to Strictly Ballroom
Well shit. Now you had to go and tell the truth. Fine, fine, fine, it would be really great to fall completely, stupidly, hopelessly in love. ARE YOU HAPPY, IPOD? YOU MADE ME EMOTE.
7. What should I do with my life?
"Lightness" - Death Cab For Cutie
See? Even iPod thinks I should guest on The OC! I would have made such a better Lindsay than that girl from the spring break shark movie.
8. Why must life be so full of pain?
"Bolero" - Maurice Ravel
The music begins softly, whilst building to a neverending crescendo of the same notes repeated over and over at the same tempo. So really, we should be asking why life is full of pain, but why does it keep on recycling itself?
9. How can I maximize my pleasure during sex?
"The Difference" - Matchbox 20
"The difference between what you mean and what you want to be..." so basically, the best sex is when I shun cheap and meaningless flings in favor of Meaningful Deep Relationships full of slowdancing on the boulevards and nightswimming.
Oh iPod. You're so silly. I have much to teach you, youngling.
10. Can you give me some advice?
"Spinning" - Stuck on Amber
This song was written by a guy I dated in the summer of 2002. He wanted so much to quit his day job and be a singer-songwriter, and this was the song from his previous band that was most likely to make that happen. I have yet to see him in Rolling Stone and he just plain stopped calling after about two months, so I am going to assume that iPod is advising me to never again date a man who A) refers to himself as a singer-songwriter, B) names his guitar after a Greek goddess, C) names his guitar, period or D) shaves his legs. You'd think that last one would have been a warning sign, but some girls just have to learn the hard way. Good song, though.
11. What do you think happiness is?
"Helicopter" - Bloc Party
"Stop being so American/There's a time and a place." Well, sometimes these days...
12. Do you have any advice to give over the next few hours/days?
"Sexy Sadie" - The Beatles
I should feed the cat before bed or she'll try to eat my feet again.
13. Will I die happy?
"That Was A Crazy Game of Poker" -O.A.R
This is creepy. I seriously want this song played at my funeral, along with "Eddie Walker" by Ben Folds. It's throwing your hands up in the air, messy, taxing, and caution-to-the-wind, balls-to-the-wall fantastic. Reflecting back and deciding you wouldn't change a minute.
Not a bad way to end things, no?
And thank God there's no question 14 because that song was "Anne Arbour" by The Get Up Kids. Let's not even open that can of worms.