amusing things my father has said in the last seventy-two hours

"I don't think I should be sending flowers to my gay boss."

"Your mother keeps buying red leather couches. Our house is starting to look like the set of Caligula as interpreted by Pottery Barn."

Responding to my noting that it didn't seem very nice to be talking about another family member behind her back: "But sweetie, that's why people have backs."