Not long ago, we lived in a simpler, more innocent time when the phrases "Screech from Saved by the Bell" and "Dirty Sanchez" lived far, far away from one another.
God, I miss that time.
There's a Violet Bickerstaff/Lisa Turtle joke in here somewhere, but I'm too queasy to flesh it out right now. Maybe once I stop clawing at my own face from SHEER TERROR. Right now I feel a lot like I did when I heard that Jonathan Brandis, my very first adolescent crush, had committed suicide. I was in New York on a business trip and was wearing a suit and watching C-SPAN when my roommate called to tell me. In that moment, I felt that childhood was officially, finally over.
"Nope, EJ-- it takes my own special brand of Perv to finish off the innocence of youth!